When I doubt the Giver
We had a long overdue heart to heart. The Giver and I.
It boiled down - as it usually does - to trust.
You see my Creator and I had not been seeing eye to eye.
But I had finally come to the point of acknowledging:
What you are uncovering in me is worth discovering.
What you have given me is worth owning.
Who you have created is worth being.
Why is that sometimes so hard to believe?
Recently I was thinking of the special people I am blessed to have in my life. Amazing, talented people like my boys and my students, people who inspire and impress me.
But then the thoughts changed to something darker.
Everyone else is special. Everyone else is - but you.
I caught this pesky thought a few weeks back.
Lie. I caught a lie.
If I can catch it before it goes unnoticed and plants itself in my mind, then I can see through it and weed it out. Sometimes lies seem to be as plentiful as the acorns falling from the trees. But I can’t afford to let them stay or they will take root.
In the classic by Saint-Exupery, the little Prince has to groom his planet daily by pulling up the weeds. There are foreign seeds that come from elsewhere - baobab seeds. The biggest, strongest tree there is. If he doesn’t yank them out when they are small he will never get them out and they will grow to overtake and destroy his planet.
Lies are like the baobab seeds. They start small and seem harmless. Everyone else is special but me. Probably true. Well, maybe not, but I don’t have time to deal with that silly passing thought right now.
Oh but I need to. You see it won’t be passing if I don’t make it.
Those seemingly silly, harmless little thoughts burrow down deep in order to masquerade as part of our identity. I need to have the discipline of the little Prince to examine what exactly I am allowing to grow. Is it a weed or a flower? Will that thought enhance my planet or destroy it?
Nothing in creation - nature or humans - seems to be an afterthought, a mere last minute hodge-podge of leftover atoms and DNA. Everything is beautifully, thoughtfully and even artistically planned out and then scientifically executed.
And if I believe that about creation then I have to believe it about myself too.
I AM fearfully and wonderfully made.
When I doubt my worth and my value, what I am really doubting is the Creator.
And when I doubt the Creator, it’s usually because a pesky lie has grown over the truth.
What He has given me - my talents, my personality, my being - is worth having. It’s worth accepting the gift of myself. After all, it was made in love by the master Creator Himself.
I am worth being. I AM special. And so are you.
Weed out the doubt.
- Kelly Joyce