My mind can’t stop asking, “Why?” My heart can’t stop grieving. Why did my friend of twenty-three years take her life? What brought her to the place where she gave up all hope? How could she leave the ones she loved? What kind of pain can bring one to the precipice of life and death?
Could I have done more? Called her more? Reached out to her more? Loved her more? Would it have made a difference?
These are the questions I keep asking. These are the questions that go unanswered. And the big question: Where is God in all of this?
It’s so much easier to believe when I can understand the ‘Why’; when I can wrap my mind around the possible causes, reasons, and rationale. What do I do if I can’t find the answer to the ‘Why?’ What do I do if I never find the answer?
Am I standing at a precipice - a precipice of faith? Can I believe God is a loving God who has a good purpose in this terrible, tragic event? Can I believe God loved my friend? Saved my friend?
“Faith is the reality of what we hope for, the proof of what we don’t see” (Hebrews 11:1).
I’m left with the simple, if not easy decision of either believing God is who He says He is, or not. That’s what it boils down to. I may never know the Why, but I can know the Who. Do I believe in His character, in who He is?
Faith is a gift, but exercising it is a choice. I’ve known Him for thirty-two years and I have yet to be let down by Him - my Jesus. He has never left me. He has never abandoned me. He has always comforted me. He has always upheld me, even when He didn’t answer my ‘Why’s’. I either choose to believe He is God -sovereign, all powerful, all-knowing, just, loving, or not. I guess this is the choice with all of life’s ‘Whys’.
It is resolved. I’ve chosen. I choose faith in Him.
I’ve come to the place where knowing and believing Him is greater than knowing the answer to the ‘Why’. I will surrender my search for the answers. I will lay down my efforts to understand and explain. I will rest knowing my God has the answers. I have my God and He’s all I need.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9).
Written by: Kathi Fritz